Homesickness
It is perfectly normal for boys living in completely new surroundings, and in a structured environment, to feel strange and feel homesick. Often homesickness reflects a very positive relationship with family and friends and the home environment. We have included a number of observations on this problem and feel that our suggestions may help your son to overcome this very real difficulty as quickly as possible.
- We believe it is important for him to realise that homesickness is perfectly normal and that he is likely to feel homesick from time to time, and that it is something that he should not hide from but face up to and try and talk about.
- It is important for you, as parents, to emphasise the need for complete involvement in and out of the classroom. The best way to prevent homesickness is for boys to keep busy. The person who mopes around after school and misses’ classes because he feels sorry for himself only compounds an already difficult problem. Involvement in sport, games, music and other activities is essential and should be encouraged whenever possible.
- It is important for you to realise that you will hear of, or experience, the worst of your son’s homesickness. Boarding students will tend to write or ring when they are feeling at their lowest. They may also tend to exaggerate the worst features of what they are experiencing in order to get your attention.
- Poor grades and difficulty with work are often closely related to homesickness in the early stages.
- A recurrence of the problem is quite common after returning from term holidays. However, it is usually overcome very quickly after returning to school and settling in with normal routines and friends. It is important to note that too many day outings or overnight stays over the first few weekends of term can cause great difficulty for your son making the break from home. We encourage you to let your son experience the normal activities of the Boarding House, particularly during weekends, and be mindful that taking him out of boarding too often for little ‘breaks’ from boarding can actually compound the problem and prevent him from settling into his boarding life.
- Please encourage your son to see the Head of Boarding, Head of Residence, the House Mother, the Health Centre staff or the School Counsellor if the problem seems to be reaching intolerable levels. Often discussing the problem with someone not directly involved is of great assistance. Encouraging your son to speak with an older student, such as one of the student leaders, who has likely experienced the same thing can also be of great comfort to him.
We do not wish to alarm you in any way, but purely make you aware of a very common and usually short-term problem. It is also our aim to help you and your son cope with the difficult settling in period. It is best to deal with any problems that may arise in the early stages, as this is advantageous for all concerned. Understanding, patience and firmness would appear to be the most important qualities necessary for quick and relatively smooth adjustment to the new environment.
Above all, please do not hesitate to contact your son’s Head of Residence, the House Mother or Head of Boarding if you wish to discuss the problem.
As well as your son experiencing homesickness, it is not uncommon for you, as parents, to also feel “homesick for your son”. The following are a few observations that might help you cope with your own sense of loss.
- The sense of loss may not be as obvious for you as it is for your son because your daily routine continues. Acknowledging the sense of loss for you is just as important.
- When a boy goes to boarding school there is a change in the structure of parenting because the daily dependence of the boy is no longer present. Your son will quickly establish an increasing level of independence and often parents are caught unawares by this sudden move of their son from childhood towards the adult world. If your son is making this transition well it is a sign that, as parents, you have prepared him well for adulthood.
- Despite planning for many years for your son to attend a boarding school, the reality comes suddenly – one day he is at home and the next he is not. Do not underestimate the effect it may have on you, and feel free to contact your son’s Head of Residence or the House Mother or Head of Boarding about your own concerns as well as those of your son.